How to Get Your Spouse to Marriage Counseling

As a marriage counselor I usually find that one of the two spouses is opposed to going to marriage counseling.  Some of the reasons they won’t come are the following:

  1. I don’t want to tell a stranger my problems
  2. I’m too private
  3. I am not the problem, it isn’t my fault
  4. I don’t want someone to point out my problems
  5. Marriage counselors don’t know what they are doing. They are just in it to make money
  6. It is too expensive
  7. I don’t have time
  8. Our marriage is fine, we are just going through a rough spot
  9. We can work out our problems ourselves
  10. Our marriage isn’t that bad

No matter what the reason is, some people simply won’t go to marriage counseling.  However, even if your spouse won’t go with you there are some benefits to going to counseling without your spouse.

  1. You’ll be able to talk through some of the issues with a neutral person to gain perspective and insight.
  2. When you and your marital partner aren’t communicating, you can learn techniques on how to communicate more clearly.
  3. You can learn how to have better boundaries with your partner.
  4. You can learn how to say how you feel without being emotional and put your partner on the defense.
  5. You can understand some of the reasons why you are so hurt and offended by your partner.
  6. You can begin to understand why your partner may be acting defensively.
  7. You can learn how to stop holding the relationship together all by yourself.
  8. You can build your self-confidence even when your partner criticizes you.

Sometimes all it takes is to ask your partner to try marriage counseling a few times to see if it helps.  They don’t have to commit to it long-term but can just try it a few times.  If you have a resistant spouse give them time to think about before pushing for an answer.   If you pressure them to answer right away it makes them more inclined to say no.

Marriage counseling is a helpful tool for any couple who wants to improve their marriage.  Sometimes talking to a marriage counselor can prevent serious marital problems that could lead to divorce.

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